Updates on binge.

So yesterday’s attempt to get back on track failed (yet again). I ended up getting Mexican… a burrito with rice/beans/chicken/queso/etc. and a soda. A few hours later while getting ready for class I still felt terribly crappy from what I ate. Physically crappy. I was so bloated gosh. That’s when I made yesterday’s post.

I brought green tea with me to class. Finished that. But then got home and totally broke down sobbing. IDK. It came out of the blue. Probably PMS. I ended up eating like 3 pieces of sushi, 3 fortune cookies, and a bowl of cheerios with milk and raisins. (What’s with the cheerios?! It’s basically all that I’ve been eating nearly every single day during my binges.. weird). 

I woke up this morning and aside from having a slight craving for carbs, I’m able to brush it off. The “feeling” I don’t even know what it is because technically I’m not craving these things. I’m not like “OMG I WANT OREOS SOOOO BAD” It doesn’t feel like a typical craving, I just gravitate towards this junk.

But yeah, I don’t have the craving/urge/feeling/want to eat it this morning. I am fasting (somewhat). I had iced coffee with heavy cream. And just now I had 2oz of smoked sausage because protein is probably the single most important nutrient while you’re dieting/trying to lose weight. 

I do have a slight headache. But that’s understandable. I’m tired. My boss is out and I put my head down and napped for the last 30min or so. I can’t wait until THIS part of the recovery process goes away because it’s the toughest to deal with. The lethargy, the headaches, the emptiness you feel like you NEED to eat something even though you know you’re not hungry and it’s purely physiological.

I know what hunger feels like (thanks to Paleo). True hunger. And I’m not hungry. Just dependant on that full feeling and dependent on sugar/insulin. Ick.

I’m waiting until I get hungry in a couple of hours (if it happens). I’ve already got my meal planned out. Buying an entire rotisserie chicken and an avocado and eating that. And then gym time, or a 5 mile walk in the park/down town. 

But wow. It feels great finally seeing an end to this madness. To finally have some solid ground to stand on and move forward. The last couple of days I just felt “STUCK” trying to move on and not being able to. It’s frustrating.

What started all of it? I have no idea. But I’m going to go with PMS/hormones as the culprit (no doubt with stress thrown into the mix). Cravings don’t normally bother me during/before my period. I’ve never had problems with them. It typically takes very very little to satisfy my PMS cravings. A chocolate bar over the course of a few days, maybe a caramel macchiato, or a few munchkins. And I’m good to go and don’t continue to crave. Never have I experienced something of this immensity. I guess I was caught off guard? My carb cravings started slowly and only at night. I posted about it on MDA. Maybe they were the cravings leading up to my cycle. 

I’m definitely much more hungry in the days leading up to menstruation. If I try to ignore the hunger and eat a normal/usual amount, then there are strong sugar cravings. If I feed the hunger with protein or fat, the sugar cravings are much less. So, for me at least, the sugar cravings are the consequence of not feeding the hunger.

The drop in serotonin in the days preceding a menstrual cycle are what causes the carb/sweet cravings and irritability. Low serotonin is necessary to induce ovulation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it! Do yourself a favor and eat foods high in tryptophan such as dark chocolate, eggs, pumpkin seeds, meat and potatoes. Tryptophan is the amino acid that the body uses to make serotonin and having a steady supply of it will hopefully keep you from binging on unhealthy SAD foods.

Perhaps my body wanted more food, and when I didn’t eat MORE for the sake of weight loss, it backfired on me. Maybe. Who knows. 

This is all still a learning process for me as I continue to tread new waters. Hopefully next month I’ll be more prepared and take more caution with my cravings and what I put in my mouth so that I don’t set off another snowball effect of going out of control.

I have a feeling today is going to be a good day.

Thank you for your support guys! I’ve received a ton of amazing messages over the course of the last few days. Thank you for your kind words, support, and ideas trying to hack my situation! Definitely appreciate each and every single one of you. :) 

CW: 155.6 — Hello square 1.5. -___- I thought I would never see you again. At least it can only go down from here. :)