inspiremethin

I’m going to try to do a 1-month no makeup challenge. I already wear bare minimal makeup. But I want to give my face a rest. Only things that I’m allowing on my face are chapstick/lip balm for my lips and mascara on special occasions like parties, church, going out, etc. Because I look like I just woke up if I don’t wear mascara LOLOL. 

Feeling good about this. (: 

Although I appreciate the feedback/concerns, you need to understand that I’m not an optimist. I’m a realist. I say it how it is. And truth of the matter is that I am fat. If I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t be running this blog. It’s not an attack on myself or my self-esteem. It’s just a reality check. It’s simply a mental note that I still have a long way to go, and to continue going, and not to fool myself into thinking I’m thin so that I can stay focused on my goals.  I don’t have a destructive mentality. Reminding myself that I’m still fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful, because I know I am; it doesn’t mean that I think I’m a failure, because I’m not. And that’s the difference between me posting a somewhat “negative” update vs someone who DOES have a destructive mentality posting it. Because that person is truly attacking themselves and feeding into the negativity. For me, it’s a passing moment that needed to get out of my system so that it doesn’t continue to weigh me down.

I guess the status update spurred from over-confidence in myself. And I don’t like that because then I feel like complete shit once my confidence dies down a bit. And that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now. Here’s a good example/analogy: You try on an outfit one day. You all of a sudden get a boost of confidence because it makes you look really slim—slimmer than any other outfit makes you look. So you wear it and you feel great. The following day you try on the same exact outfit, and then realize the outfit really isn’t that flattering on you and you don’t actually look that slim in it. You suddenly wonder what possessed you to think you looked good in the outfit. You feel foolish for acting so over confident. The feeling is kind of like that. 

IDK. I had a really good, but busy weekend. Was only home for a few hours. But last night as I drove home I was just super… disappointed. And the disappointment is reflecting through everything. I just kind of want to get away for a bit. 

Who knew disappointment was so… empty. 

• Hi. Sooo… my headache is slowly diminishing. It’s still there.. but very very faint. I think it will be gone after a good night’s sleep. Yay.
• I just got back Red Lobster with the parentals. It was nice. :3 I ate a ton of grilled shrimp (which is like less than 100 calories per skewer), a new england clam chowder, a salad, and a few forkfuls of mashed potatoes. Yumm :3 They screwed up my order 2 times though because I had gotten Grilled Salmon with my dish. First time around, they didn’t bring my salmon at all, then the second time they undercooked it. Like.. it was still raw inside. Gross. They took it back, recooked it fully and gave me my meal for freeeeeee :D woot woot. I felt bad for our waiter because he probably got shit for it, so I was trying to be super nice and not make a big deal of it.
• Lately, I’ve been getting sooo much attention from guys. Okay the other weekend went I went out downtown with these guys from New York. One of them was literally all over me all night. After I parked my park, and was walking to the place they were at, some random guys sitting outside were hitting on me as I was walking. Awkwardddd. Then V came by a few days ago. And I was super super super freaking nervous about it. But we definitely hit it off and he’s definitely into me. And I was really afraid he wouldn’t be. Oh! And a week before the NY guys came here, I went up to New York and this other guy was hittting on me. We probably spent the majority of the day talking to each other. He kept trying to get my attention and kept trying to know me. LOL. He was super cute though but not my type. Thennnn on campus there’s this guy that I sometimes sit with during my break and all we do it flirt back and forth hahaa. It so funny but yeah. He was never like that in the beginning of the semester (when I was a few sizes bigger). Then this other guy sat at our table today and started hitting on me. Like straight up “your smile is so beautiful” “we should stay in contact” “you’re done with classes? let’s do something after” blah blah blah. LOLOL. I mean, the attention is nice, I suppose. But I’m not the type of girl who likes cheesy, empty compliments and stupid pickup lines and fake attention. Ya know? I’m not into that just for a hookup or just to date around. What I want is just.. more guy friends that I can be chill with and rely on. And maybe along the way something could spark and develop, but only if there’s a friendship first. I don’t like jumping into dating right away.
• Umm. I skipped class today. Eep. Promised myself I wouldn’t do it this month. But I didn’t study for a test yesterday due to laziness. So I skipped. I’ll have to promise not to skip at all in the month of November. I think I can do it. But I did get an A on this outline I wrote. I was so worried I’d get a B or lower on it because I didn’t know wtf I was doing. The only other assignment I’m waiting to get back is an essay which I’m kind of worried about as well. I had to rewrite it due to losing the original, and the second draft is never ever ever as good as the first. And I wrote it in a rush sooo… we’ll see how it is. I’m crossing my fingers I get an A on it. I can’t really afford getting a B in any of my classes this year since I need to get my GPA up in order to get into this top notch university. It’s like, one of the best med schools in the nation. Eep. :3

K, I think that’s it! I’m going to catch up on some of my favourite tv shows and then go to sleep. Definitely still need to watch Pretty Little Liars. Might end up going to Harrisburg tomorrow. Contemplating visiting V. I want to so bad. Buttttt I might wait 2 weeks.. try to lose 2 more pounds LOLOL. Well.. I hope you all have a lovely night/day wherever you are. :)

Don’t feel like eating. Don’t feel like moving. Even though I wanttttt to go to the gym. I like physically can’t bring myself to it. Bleh. This day needs to end and this headache needs to go away.

And I kind of want to curl up under a fuzzy blanket, watch a movie, and eat cheetos. And maybe sip on tea.

finishingwhatistarted said: WOOHOO!!! Great job!! :) And whether that weight is a fluctuation or not… it doesn’t matter. If today is your official weigh in day… write that shit down and be proud of it! *grin* Congrats!

You’re totally right. :3 I guess I just don’t like to get my hopes up hehe. Thank you! ^-^ It’s definitely exciting. 

Holy crap it’s Thursday already? This week went by so fast. :3 Only a few days left until November! And only a couple days until I start Insanity ^-^ Eep! So excited. I really hope I can keep up. It’s going to be INTENSE. Anyway, this week has been pretty good. With the except of Monday because I was too lazy to workout, but that’s okay LOLOL. I’m pretty happy with the week I had. Definitely a good week. No complaints there. :)))))

So… since last Thursday:

• I lost 5.4lbs!!! holyyyyyyyshiz
• 3.21lb from body fat
• 1.27lb muscle loss booo :(( 
• 0.5” off of chest (fatty area under boobies)
• 0.5” off of my waist :3
• 1.0” around my belly button
• 0.5” around my pooch
• 0.5” from my hips
• 0.25” from each calf (again omgggg)
• 0.5” off each upper arm (I don’t have naturally slender arms so this makes me happpyyyy :3 )

Wowww. Just wow. Granted, I don’t believe I lost 5.4lbs, I think there is some fluctuation there. I think I lost closer to 2lbs. But I’m not complaining! I’m officially back to my lowest weight that I left off at 2months ago before I tipped of the health-wagon. This makes me so happy. :3 Dear November: YOU ARE MINE!

Slowly going back down. Woot woot. K. This just made my week even better. Can’t wait to swim tonight and relax in the water. :3 Have a lovely day everyone! Stay strong and be awesome. :))